hello pingan. (somehow i will get this post up)
you know, i have so much to share, so much to say. but if i say it all here, i will have nothing to say during evaluation. but im afraid the feeling will be gone by then, cos evaluation will only be on second week tuesday/friday. thats really long. three weeks away. plus i usually cant say everything i want to, words are still the best.
you know, i dont want qihang to end, i really dont. when i was at conrol room, i witnessed all ju no. 4 and 5, as each finished with applause, i began to dread it. cos i was so scared. peis and meiyan's ju were nice and superb. i was afraid, i didnt know how you guys will be behind without daoyans, but really, you guys came in wonderful and its really the best i have seen this 4 months. as the curtain closed, all clapped (okay people laughed, i dont know why) i felt happy, really really happy. as we sang qihang ge, and we hugged each other, i really felt sad, and i wanted so much for time to stop then. okay i dont know why im saying all these. im always long winded, and im a damn emotional person (maybe you guys havent seen this side of me yet) and i treasure friendships alot. my main point here is that, im afraid we may love pingan and the friendships we share so much now, i think as weeks go and pass, we'll forget and the love we have for each other will slowly fade off. this is life. and no one can prevent it, nothing is forever you see. but i really dont wish this to happen. we will say hi and smile to each other when we see each other in school k :)
get to my story, (sorry i didnt get to write very long messages for each of you cos me and kemin had a hard time trying to finish all presents on time on qihang day haha - the night). so here goes,
me and kemin were excited for paiju at first. really looking forward to it. choosing of yanyuans etc was tedious, and finally tadah, the five of you become our our ju yanyuans. initially, me and kemin were kind of scared to take you guys up as yanyuans, cos you guys are hyper and need to run around alot kind of people, but me and kemin aint. we can be very down at times. hahahaha so yea thought you guys will be hard to handle. hmm, wel first paiju cane and went. it was abit tensed up, cos me and kemin really dontknow how to bond people well and i thought we were doing stupid things to make you all high, but the response we got were.. rather.. hmm. but i dont know why, i put a :) on my SM book. cant rmb what happened. maybe cos it turned out better than i thought. i guessed i looked forward to next few paijus quite alot and there were funny things like weiting cant differentiate "armani & aminah" i think our first cheer was armani. thinking back, the memories are really great. i love them. slowly it became a closure of prayer "pingan" (it looks like to me haha). we thought it went well, and were happy. till one day xx and yy told us about things they know, what you guys felt towards us and paiju, my heart totally shattered. i think someone told me first, then i told kemin and we went to ask xx and yy. at that time, i thought "why does other ju seem to enjoy so much but not you guys" i was pissed yet worried yet sad, maybe me and kemin really didnt do our best. so me and kemin was totally quiet for the rest of the day. we thought of things to lie to you all so as to change our attitude etc. yes our first attempt was the gossip session. to think we had to tell you all we are progressing too fast (maybe yes we were indeed a little fast) etc, but the gossip session didnt turned out as good as i thought. though i thought its the first time our ju talked so much together. im glad.
the paijus after that were indeed more light-hearted. i think woah, because of you guys, i lost my xing xiang as a serious person. aheeem. a few daoyans came to me and said i was too relaxed loh! (tsktsk) but nvm, thinking back now, maybe you guys really need a more relaxed environment to do well. the paijus really went great, and i tell you i look forward to every paiju ever since holidays started i think. i really wanted to go paiju every single day :)
then i think as the days goes, i became more stressed. kemin too. cos there were too many things to take care of, but we had too little hands, too little time, too little minds to work. did you all realise, every ju has 3 daoyans, but pingan only has 2. so because there were many admin stuffs to do, and other stuffs, i became really serious, and thought i had to be fierce and stern with you guys to make you all wake up. cos i thought you all were still in the "holiday mood". and i think because of that, i damnpened all of moods and feelings for pingan ): yes its the paiju at 2L. plus i was worried for my practical test i guess. so my mood wasnt good. but i apologise. really. and i think i have to clarify, many times i wasnt angry, when im tired, i dont smile. when im stressed, i frown. when im not happy, i dont smile (okay duh) so i will look angry, pissed off and like you all always thought im, fierce. but im not la, really. i dont understand and never will understand why people think im fierce. im sorry for all these.
plus, before holidays, i think i had too many other commitments, eg green house. many times i was late for paiju, many times i couldnt concentrate, many times i had black face. and i guess all these affected you all. but the thing is, yanyuans cant scold daoyans. you all cant scold me for being late, cant scold me for not concentrating enough, cant scold me for my attitude problem. and now thinking back, maybe its bad of me to scold you all when you guys did sth wrong. i dont have the right to when im did the same things before? im sorry. plus i have a distant nature (hmm) i dont get close to people easily on a more personaly note. on the surface maybe yes, heart to heart talks, secrets etc, will be much harder. cos im not one who shares alot. so yea, i wont be surprised if im not close to you all personally. im sorry for this too. but please know, i love each of you equally and really alot.
i have so much to say, yet dont know how to continue. the paijus last week were wonderful, though it was pretty stressful for all. i dont know how to talk to each of you as well. there were so many times i wanted to go ahead and asked if you guys were stressed or tired or have any problems, but i couldnt bring it to my mouth. ):
im sorry kemin. i think i gave you alot of stress. cos i cant commit myself totally to this ju initially and you had to take up the stress yourself. and later i looked as if im doing so much and you felt guilty. but dont owrry, its the SM's job, theres nothing for you to be guilty over. really! and i realised you are scared of me and im scared of you. hahahaha both for the same reason. our black face! working with you was great. really. i learnt alot from you. and i think we were irritated with each other at times, but surprisingly we dont quarrel! either one always give in. im glad for that. working with you these 6 months, near 7, is one of my best memories in stnicks. i will never forget you, my soon to be 10 years friend :)
i may not be the best daoyan in your hearts, but i hope i did my best and i hope pingan will always stay in your memories. i love pingan :) more than words can express it.
i want evaluation soon too. though i think i wrote too much here already. Btw, you know after yesterday, I wanted so much for another qihang. The whole day, all I did was think and think and think about qihang. Ohwell ):
Qihang06 is perfect. for me at least. i dont want xubie to come, i suppose it will be more sad, haha. huahui has become part of my life :)
daoyan / danfong
you know, i have so much to share, so much to say. but if i say it all here, i will have nothing to say during evaluation. but im afraid the feeling will be gone by then, cos evaluation will only be on second week tuesday/friday. thats really long. three weeks away. plus i usually cant say everything i want to, words are still the best.
you know, i dont want qihang to end, i really dont. when i was at conrol room, i witnessed all ju no. 4 and 5, as each finished with applause, i began to dread it. cos i was so scared. peis and meiyan's ju were nice and superb. i was afraid, i didnt know how you guys will be behind without daoyans, but really, you guys came in wonderful and its really the best i have seen this 4 months. as the curtain closed, all clapped (okay people laughed, i dont know why) i felt happy, really really happy. as we sang qihang ge, and we hugged each other, i really felt sad, and i wanted so much for time to stop then. okay i dont know why im saying all these. im always long winded, and im a damn emotional person (maybe you guys havent seen this side of me yet) and i treasure friendships alot. my main point here is that, im afraid we may love pingan and the friendships we share so much now, i think as weeks go and pass, we'll forget and the love we have for each other will slowly fade off. this is life. and no one can prevent it, nothing is forever you see. but i really dont wish this to happen. we will say hi and smile to each other when we see each other in school k :)
get to my story, (sorry i didnt get to write very long messages for each of you cos me and kemin had a hard time trying to finish all presents on time on qihang day haha - the night). so here goes,
me and kemin were excited for paiju at first. really looking forward to it. choosing of yanyuans etc was tedious, and finally tadah, the five of you become our our ju yanyuans. initially, me and kemin were kind of scared to take you guys up as yanyuans, cos you guys are hyper and need to run around alot kind of people, but me and kemin aint. we can be very down at times. hahahaha so yea thought you guys will be hard to handle. hmm, wel first paiju cane and went. it was abit tensed up, cos me and kemin really dontknow how to bond people well and i thought we were doing stupid things to make you all high, but the response we got were.. rather.. hmm. but i dont know why, i put a :) on my SM book. cant rmb what happened. maybe cos it turned out better than i thought. i guessed i looked forward to next few paijus quite alot and there were funny things like weiting cant differentiate "armani & aminah" i think our first cheer was armani. thinking back, the memories are really great. i love them. slowly it became a closure of prayer "pingan" (it looks like to me haha). we thought it went well, and were happy. till one day xx and yy told us about things they know, what you guys felt towards us and paiju, my heart totally shattered. i think someone told me first, then i told kemin and we went to ask xx and yy. at that time, i thought "why does other ju seem to enjoy so much but not you guys" i was pissed yet worried yet sad, maybe me and kemin really didnt do our best. so me and kemin was totally quiet for the rest of the day. we thought of things to lie to you all so as to change our attitude etc. yes our first attempt was the gossip session. to think we had to tell you all we are progressing too fast (maybe yes we were indeed a little fast) etc, but the gossip session didnt turned out as good as i thought. though i thought its the first time our ju talked so much together. im glad.
the paijus after that were indeed more light-hearted. i think woah, because of you guys, i lost my xing xiang as a serious person. aheeem. a few daoyans came to me and said i was too relaxed loh! (tsktsk) but nvm, thinking back now, maybe you guys really need a more relaxed environment to do well. the paijus really went great, and i tell you i look forward to every paiju ever since holidays started i think. i really wanted to go paiju every single day :)
then i think as the days goes, i became more stressed. kemin too. cos there were too many things to take care of, but we had too little hands, too little time, too little minds to work. did you all realise, every ju has 3 daoyans, but pingan only has 2. so because there were many admin stuffs to do, and other stuffs, i became really serious, and thought i had to be fierce and stern with you guys to make you all wake up. cos i thought you all were still in the "holiday mood". and i think because of that, i damnpened all of moods and feelings for pingan ): yes its the paiju at 2L. plus i was worried for my practical test i guess. so my mood wasnt good. but i apologise. really. and i think i have to clarify, many times i wasnt angry, when im tired, i dont smile. when im stressed, i frown. when im not happy, i dont smile (okay duh) so i will look angry, pissed off and like you all always thought im, fierce. but im not la, really. i dont understand and never will understand why people think im fierce. im sorry for all these.
plus, before holidays, i think i had too many other commitments, eg green house. many times i was late for paiju, many times i couldnt concentrate, many times i had black face. and i guess all these affected you all. but the thing is, yanyuans cant scold daoyans. you all cant scold me for being late, cant scold me for not concentrating enough, cant scold me for my attitude problem. and now thinking back, maybe its bad of me to scold you all when you guys did sth wrong. i dont have the right to when im did the same things before? im sorry. plus i have a distant nature (hmm) i dont get close to people easily on a more personaly note. on the surface maybe yes, heart to heart talks, secrets etc, will be much harder. cos im not one who shares alot. so yea, i wont be surprised if im not close to you all personally. im sorry for this too. but please know, i love each of you equally and really alot.
i have so much to say, yet dont know how to continue. the paijus last week were wonderful, though it was pretty stressful for all. i dont know how to talk to each of you as well. there were so many times i wanted to go ahead and asked if you guys were stressed or tired or have any problems, but i couldnt bring it to my mouth. ):
im sorry kemin. i think i gave you alot of stress. cos i cant commit myself totally to this ju initially and you had to take up the stress yourself. and later i looked as if im doing so much and you felt guilty. but dont owrry, its the SM's job, theres nothing for you to be guilty over. really! and i realised you are scared of me and im scared of you. hahahaha both for the same reason. our black face! working with you was great. really. i learnt alot from you. and i think we were irritated with each other at times, but surprisingly we dont quarrel! either one always give in. im glad for that. working with you these 6 months, near 7, is one of my best memories in stnicks. i will never forget you, my soon to be 10 years friend :)
i may not be the best daoyan in your hearts, but i hope i did my best and i hope pingan will always stay in your memories. i love pingan :) more than words can express it.
i want evaluation soon too. though i think i wrote too much here already. Btw, you know after yesterday, I wanted so much for another qihang. The whole day, all I did was think and think and think about qihang. Ohwell ):
Qihang06 is perfect. for me at least. i dont want xubie to come, i suppose it will be more sad, haha. huahui has become part of my life :)
daoyan / danfong
posted by weiting at 8:35 AM
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